 Inspiration for your wedding, civil partnership or vow renewal 3 Ideas – 3 Venues – 3 Suppliers  Ideas
Candles Candles are a popular decoration for weddings, as part of the décor, or part of the ceremony. Check with your venue whether lit candles are permitted; of course, many venue stylists use LED candles to great effect. A unity candle ritual is a beautiful symbolic demonstration of the joining of two lives and two families. A large pillar candle is flanked by two slim taper candles. Traditionally, the two taper candles are lit by the couple’s mothers (but it doesn’t have to be), and then the couple use these to light the large candle, to create a shared flame. Candles can be customised with your names, monogram, the date, and a design that matches your décor. If you’d like to incorporate other people, such as children, a display of tea lights in a heart or spiral looks pretty. For safety, it’s an idea to have a wooden splint and a small glass of water to hand. If you’re remembering a lost loved one, a candle is a touching way to incorporate them within your ceremony. It’s up to you whether you’d like to light the candle as part of your ceremony with a few words of remembrance and a pause for reflection, or simply to have it there as a guiding light throughout. Civil This word is used in different ways, and it can cause confusion. ‘Civil marriage’ or ‘civil partnership’ is the term used by registrars to refer to the legal registration of a couple’s relationship. It’s distinct from religious marriage, conducted by a recognised faith leader in a place of worship. Civil marriage is secular – the service cannot include religious content. Some couples may not have their preferred music or readings, if they are considered ‘religious’, but the lines are vague. E.g. Robbie Williams ‘Angels’ or Aretha Franklin’s ‘Say a Little Prayer’ may be permitted, but ‘Pie Jesu’ or ‘Ave Maria’ might not be - you need to discuss this with a registrar. So: LEGAL REGISTRATION, NO RELIGION PERMITTED ‘Civil celebrant’ means a celebrant not affiliated to any belief system or worldview, whether that is religious/spiritual, or a humanist organisation. Civil celebrants reflect the wishes of their clients; their personal beliefs are irrelevant. Whether a couple require an entirely secular wedding or vow renewal ceremony, or if they’d like some touches of faith – spiritual music playing, singing a hymn, or having a spiritual reading or poem, a civil celebrant will accommodate that. So: NO LEGAL REGISTRATION, ALL BELIEFS EMBRACED ‘Civil Ceremonies’ is a celebrant training company, that enables celebrants to achieve the only nationally recognised qualification for civil celebrants – the NOCN Diploma (it’s where I trained in weddings). A couple of other training providers offer this too. Cocktails Marriage is like a cocktail – different elements combine to make something unique. Mixed in the right combination, it’s the perfect recipe for a happy couple and a lush cocktail. Who doesn’t love a pretty cocktail or mocktail!? If you’re partial to them, they can be part of your ceremony too. Here are some ideas. Why not have…
Links: Venues - C Remember – a celebrant-led ceremony of any type can take place at any venue; it doesn’t have to be licensed for civil weddings/partnerships. Here are some venues for a Lincolnshire or Yorkshire wedding. Carlton Manor Hull https://www.instagram.com/carltonmanoryorkshire https://facebook.com/carltonmanoryorkshire Cave Castle Hotel https://www.facebook.com//cavecastle https://www.instagram.com/cavecastlehotel/ Cleatham Hall Gainsborough https://www.facebook.com/CleathamHall https://www.instagram.com/cleathamhall/ Suppliers - C Chris Waud Photography https://www.facebook.com/christopherwaud https://www.chriswaudphotography.com/ Coates Couture https://www.facebook.com/CoatesCouturebridal https://www.instagram.com/coatescouturebridal Crosskills Florist https://www.facebook.com/CrosskillsFlorist https://www.instagram.com/crosskills_flowershop
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 People sometimes have questions about cremation, either because they have heard things that worry them, or are curious, as it's not something that is spoken about much.
Below is a link to a short film of the cremation process. If you are recently bereaved, or your grief is still raw, consider if this is the right time to watch it. Before you watch, it’s worth knowing that this is a no-frills old US crematory, without commentary, so you still may have questions. I'm always happy to answer questions. I’m ‘Death Positive’ – I believe people are empowered by knowing, and that death, dying and bereavement should be talked about, so people are equipped with information and choices. As the area’s Coffin Club ‘Celebrant Plus’, I’m here to advise and signpost anyone in the local community about funerary issues; you don’t have to be arranging a funeral or have me leading a ceremony to chat to me. Likewise, your funeral director and the staff at the crematorium are there to help. Don't be afraid to ask them. There's nothing weird or morbid about wanting to know what happens, and it may allay any fears. I was probably a bit scared of the idea of cremation and held some myths myself, until I witnessed it in full. I was honoured, when I first started, to be given permission to watch the full procedure for one lady (including taking regular peeps into the cremator to see what happened to her body, as you’ll see in the video). Pre-Viewing Notes: The set up back of house varies considerably, from modern shiny spacious crematory rooms with large steel chargers, and a sequence of stations for processing the remains, to a more functional affair in a smaller space. There is legislation that regulates administrative and practical procedures to ensure public health & safety and dignity in dealing with the deceased, cremation, and ashes return. A little slip follows the deceased and is checked at each stage from the moment the coffin or person (or pet) arrives by hearse or private ambulance. When the curtains close (if it's a funeral service, and you've requested that), nothing happens immediately. Forget what you've seen in films about seeing a coffin slide right through the doors into flames! Often there's a cool room, anteroom or corridor to the crematory area. Staff move the coffin onto a trolley. That may be cremated straight away, or there may be a short wait till later that same day. It depends on several factors including the number of cremator units, how busy that day is, coffin or shroud material, and some characteristics of the deceased that may affect unit efficiency, so the order of cremation may be optimised. Different body compositions, different diseases etc affect the time it takes, and the temperature of the unit. Rear of house, there are trained staff who operate the crematory. For some faiths, a family member may be there to witness the charging procedure. Only one person is cremated at a time in each cremator. Cremation of an adult human takes about 85-90 minutes. The remains are raked into a receptacle underneath before further processing. Metal components that can be recycled are then removed in a machine that separates the remains. These usually go to raise funds for charity. The remains then go into a cremulator which reduces them to ashes (or cremains). For children, or body parts, there may be minimal or no ashes. Likewise for a small pet funeral. Otherwise, the ashes then go into a container for collection by the funeral director or other person authorised to collect or scatter them. Some people request that the crematorium scatter the ashes. The staff will record where and give you a map. For people who wish to have them returned, they can then choose whether to transfer the ashes to a decorative urn, have an ashes interment ceremony, or scatter them at a place significant to the deceased, such as a beauty spot, or at sea. Some retain a little to be made into jewellery or paperweights. That’s just a very brief summary. If there’s anything else you’d like to know, or other topics you’d like covering (video tours of crematoria, or interviews with staff?), let me know. Dx The 5-minute cremation video. https://www.cultofweird.com/death/cremation-of-human-body-video/ The contact for bereavement services at Grimsby Crematorium. You'll also find the link for pet funerals at Treasured Memories. If it’s urgent, call. If it’s a general enquiry, send an email. Bereavement services | NELC (nelincs.gov.uk) Link to cremation FAQs: https://www.cremation.org.uk/Frequently-Asked-Questions Crematorium Regulations: cremregs (iccm-uk.com) Coffin Club and Celebrant Plus Directory coffinclub.co.uk/ Local Ashes Jewellery coastalsilver.co.uk/pages/ashes-jewellery #funeral #cremation #ashes #funeralcelebrant #Lincolnshire #Lincolnshirecelebrant #DeathPositive #funeralmyths  A Couples' Cornucopia: Ideas for Your Wedding 3 Ideas – 3 Venues – 3 Suppliers Each week the A-Z taster presents ideas for your wedding, civil partnership or vow renewal. Mini blogs of just 200 words introduce you to each idea. Up to 3 Venues and 3 Suppliers are featured each blog. As far as possible, these are local Lincolnshire businesses. A mix of established and new, large and small, traditional and alternative.  Ideas
Barn Barn weddings surged in popularity about a dozen years ago, and no wonder. Airy, rustic surroundings with a warm and laid-back vibe, and plenty of room for guests. Barns are perfect for more relaxed ceremonies, and ideal for couples that wish to dispense with formality, and express a bit of personality. If you’ve not attended a barn wedding, it may conjure up images of guests seated in a circle on hay bales, chewing on straw, holding a pitchfork. That’s not usually the way it is, but there’s nothing to stop you having that if you’d like a farm-themed ceremony! Think exposed wooden beams, warm terracotta brickwork, draped greenery or bunting, romantic fairy lights – how gorgeous! People feel at ease in a charming barn, each with its unique character; whether hundreds of years old or built for purpose. The size of many barns means you may hold the ceremony and reception in the same room, and have more control over the decoration too. Some barn wedding venues are ‘blank slate’ and so you can create your own ambience – a perfect backdrop whether rolling with the romantic rustic theme, boho bride, cottage core, or chic contemporary with a casual feel. Blessing Couples sometimes contact me asking ‘It’s our anniversary soon. Do you offer something like a blessing?’ Yes, I do. An anniversary is the perfect occasion to reflect on your relationship – all those times you’ve been through together, the highs and lows, the adventures and the challenges, how you’ve grown and changed as individuals, and where you see yourselves heading now. Traditionally, a blessing is an invitation to ask for divine protection and favour. So, what is a celebrant-led blessing? It’s not legally binding, and not (usually) like a religious blessing, although you may have readings that reflect and honour your beliefs and traditions if you wish. It's an affirmation of your relationship, and any symbols that represent your commitment to one another. You may have a re-dedication over your wedding rings - perhaps because you have new rings if one was lost or no longer fits, or simply wish to make your promises once more. A ‘ring warming’ is a lovely way for your guests to bless your rings. You don’t have to be married to have a blessing ceremony; it’s a lovely way to mark any couples’ or family ceremony, or a life transition, especially when family & friends are present to also ‘give their blessing’ to you. Booking The first thing to be booked by a couple for their celebration is usually the venue, a year or two ahead. The earlier the better if you are using a place approved for civil marriage. With an unlicensed venue, you’ve more leeway, but it’s still recommended to put down a deposit as soon as you can. Having your ceremony at home or outdoors? Even more flexibility. Wait? You can have your ceremony anywhere? Yep. You can’t (at present - changes soon hopefully) REGISTER a MARRIAGE other than at a place of worship or a place licensed for registrar services. You can have your WEDDING CELEBRATION anywhere, subject to the owner’s permission. Unlicensed premises are often cheaper than licensed venues, and you’ll not pay hundreds of pounds extra for the registrars to attend. I’ve had couples swap venues, and change to a celebrant-led ceremony because it was more them. This is the beauty of celebrant-led weddings, civil partnerships and blessings or renewal of vows. Choose the place you *really* want for your ceremony, and have it led by your celebrant, your way. Ideally, book your celebrant around the same time as you book your venue. You might be disappointed if you leave it too late, so for venues and celebrants, book ASAP. Links: Venues: B Remember – a celebrant-led ceremony of any type can take place at any venue; it doesn’t have to be licensed for civil weddings/partnerships. Here are some venues for a Lincolnshire or Yorkshire wedding. Bardney Hall https://www.bardneyhall.co.uk/ https://www.instagram.com/bardney_hall/?hl=en Blue Dragonfly Tearoom https://www.facebook.com/thebluedragonflytearoom/ https://www.instagram.com/dragonflytearoom/?hl=en Bunny Hill https://www.bunnyhillweddings.co.uk/ https://www.instagram.com/bunnyhillweddings/?hl=en Suppliers: B Bridal Reloved Caistor https://en-gb.facebook.com/bridalrelovedcaistor/ https://www.instagram.com/bridalrelovedcaistor/?hl=en Brush and Pen https://www.facebook.com/brushandpenuk/ https://www.instagram.com/brush_and_pen_uk/ As the A-Z omits numbers, instead of the second letter, here's a two: 2ofharps https://2ofharps.com/ https://www.facebook.com/2ofharps  3 Ideas – 3 Venues – 3 Suppliers Each week the A-Z taster presents ideas for your wedding, civil partnership or vow renewal. Mini blogs of just 200 words introduce you to each idea. Click ‘Contact’ if you want to know more. Up to 3 Venues and 3 Suppliers are featured each blog. As far as possible, these are local Lincolnshire businesses. A mix of established and new, large and small, traditional and alternative. To be fair, each is presented without comment (unless an explanation is needed), and with a link to social media or the website so you can find out more.  Ideas
Aisle Walking down the aisle towards the one you love. Aww, whose heart doesn’t skip a beat? Traditionally, with bride and groom, the groom stands at the top of the aisle, waiting for the moment he can turn and catch the first glimpse of his beloved as she makes her entrance. If you want to break with tradition, especially for equal marriages and civil partnerships, you might mix it up. Both of you could come in together, hand-in-hand, or walk from different doors or corners of the room and come together at the top of the aisle. I say walk. Dance if you like! Enter on a motorbike, Space Hopper, or be carried in Cleopatra style and unrolled from a rug! It’s your big entrance – do it your way! Have an escort if you’d like – a parent or even a pet. Whether you’re marrying inside in a function suite, in a barn or tipi, or outdoors in woodland or on the beach, there are many ways to reflect your style in the aisle (that rhymes!). Red or white carpet, a custom printed runner, rugs or skins, or barefoot on sand – what’s your preference? Lined with candles, vases of flowers, leaves or grasses, scattered petals, trees or rustic logs, shells, rocks or stones, perhaps with an archway under which you can pause to relish the moment. Alternative Ceremonies Alternative ceremonies are for couples who break the mould – and they remove any traditional elements that aren’t ‘you’, such as being ‘given away’ or wearing a white dress, because that’s expected. Wear a black dress or a trouser suit if that’s what makes you feel great. It’s not only about style though. It’s a celebration of who you are and is a reflection of your personality, and beliefs (if any). Alt ceremony weddings are sometimes called an un-wedding, non-wedding or anti wedding to distinguish them from convention. They are often described as quirky, unconventional or bold. They may be designed around your heritage, style or lifestyle – pagan, steampunk, gothic, boho, vintage, rock ‘n’ roll; or themed by your interests and inspiration – rainbows, dinosaurs, film noir, Harry Potter, Alice in Wonderland, The Little Mermaid etc. Alternative venues and locations are popular – mystical woodlands, majestic coastlines, atmospheric caves, the giraffe house at a safari park, a brewery, a hot air balloon, or sky dive if you’re brave! It’s about understanding what is authentic and true to you, and what will make your day truly your own. Then going for it! Don’t want a big fuss? Elope! Do it your way. Animals Love animals? How about including them in your day, actually or symbolically? If you love horses, you could arrive by horse-drawn carriage or on horseback. Some companies provide llamas, alpacas or goats for your special day. How about your pet? Check first with your venue or location, and consider their personality, to see if your pet could attend too. Dogs are popular, and look amazing dressed in bow ties and little suits. Your pet pooch could take on a traditional role - ring bearer, best dog, dog of honour or flower girl. If you have a pet sitter for the day, they might bring the pet along for a short while so they can be part of the day. Your celebrant ceremony certificate could have space for a witness paw print (scanned in digitally if it’s not practical on the day). Your animal theme may be reflected in the wedding stationery or cake design. How about a 3-tiered cake with layers of leopard skin, snake print and zebra stripes? You could include your pets in your vows too, promising to take care of them together, or to love your partner *almost* as much as them! Links: Venues - A Remember – a celebrant-led ceremony can take place at any venue; it doesn’t have to be licensed for civil weddings or partnerships. Here are some venues for a Lincolnshire wedding. Abbey Farm Weddings https://abbeyfarmweddings.co.uk/ https://www.facebook.com/abbeyfarmweddings Abby's Bistro https://www.abbysbistro.co.uk/upstairs-abbys/celebration/ https://www.facebook.com/abbysupstairs/ Ashbourne Hotel https://www.oakridgehotels.co.uk/ashbourne-hotel/ https://en-gb.facebook.com/AshbourneHotel/ Suppliers - A A Booth and Beyond https://en-gb.facebook.com/aboothandbeyondphotoboothhire/ Amy Lauren Weddings https://www.amylaurenweddings.co.uk/ https://www.instagram.com/amylaurenweddings/?hl=en Anna Belle Designs https://www.instagram.com/anna.belle.designs/?hl=en-gb https://en-gb.facebook.com/annabelledesigns/
Some ideas inspired by #hugyourcatday on 4 June and June’s #adoptacatmonth
Saving your bouquet to be preserved or framed? Or fancy something more fun? Why not toss a soft toy? The catcher is nominated to support a rescue pet, either by adoption or donating their wedding gift donation to animal rescue. If you’re a pet owner or animal lover, there are heaps of ways to incorporate them into your celebration. Here are some more: ANIMAL PRESENCE Enter on a horse, be escorted by a llama or pig, or have a best doggo or moggo. VOWS Theme your vows around your favourite animal(s), use your ‘pet names’, or promise to love your pet together. Have guests join in with promises led by your mynah bird, parrot or budgie saying ‘I will’. RINGS How about an owl ring bearer, or another bird of prey to swoop in dramatically with a velvet pouch with the rings? Have your rings threaded on your pet’s collar, or presented in a pet bowl. You may exchange collars or leads instead of rings if you like! OTHER SYMBOLISM Pussy bells make a nice a decoration on the bouquet, favours, or sewn onto a garter or shoe clips. A sand ceremony could look pretty with colourful fish tank gravel – or cat litter?! WITNESS A paw or claw print signature on your certificate can be done on the day, or beforehand. If you like I can scan in a photo of the print or of your pet for your personalised certificate. CONTENT Your love story can talk about the role of your pet or animals, or you may have a poem or reading about animals, maybe pet puns or phrases woven in. GAMES Not just at the reception, but for your ceremony too. Have an animal themed quiz, or game – human buckaroo? Pin the tail on the…? THEME Wear leopard, snake or cow print? Animal print settings and décor? LOCATION Have the ceremony at a farm, safari park, zoo or aquarium. Get in touch for more PAWSOME ideas!  This year saw the first World Celebrants Week (Woop!) - a chance for professional celebrants everywhere to engage with the public, and each other, and share their enthusiasm for this wonderful role. National Celebrants Day first ran last year, on 20th November, and so #WCW2021 was a natural outgrowth of this. Each day had a theme, such as best advice for couples, or describing your favourite ceremony, and social media was filled with lots of inspiring stories and images. I was interviewed by Radio Humberside about it - the clip is below. As vicars are mentioned, just to clarify, presently a marriage (in England & Wales) is made legal by a faith leader or registrar. Marriage law is currently under review, and fingers crossed celebrants may soon be registered to conduct legally binding ceremonies. In the meantime, it's a question of popping to the register office for a 10 minute registration of marriage, and then onto the personalised celebrant-led celebration - whether that's a big do or a micro-wedding, at any venue of choice and a time to suit. If the Law Commission recommendations are accepted by the government, it will make things much easier for couples to have the wedding they want, their way. The final report comes out summer 2022. There have been much response to the need to modernise marriage. If you feel strongly that people shouldn't be forced to choose between a religious wedding, or a barebones civil service at a register office, then do write to your M.P. Let them know that couples need the choice of a legal marriage conducted by a recognised celebrant (independent or humanist) also - so they can have the personalised ceremony that is most meaningful for them - at a time and place they choose, with the content that is right for them. Here's to positive change, and genuine choice! Dx  Hurrah, I got to see the piece that was in Funeral Service Journal, thanks to a kind funeral director sending it to me.
In hindsight, I'd probably change some of what I said, but oh well! *snaffles celebratory Ferrero Rocher* Dx  If you're not familiar with the concept of the Death Cafe movement, the name sounds a bit shocking, doesn't it? A mixture of an often taboo topic, that many avoid talking about, side by side with the place where we feel most happy having a cuppa, cake and an easy chat with friends (or supportive others)?
That's a good summary actually. We are all going to die. We are all going to lose those we love. And yet, in this society we're not so good at talking about it. Death is kept apart from us; medicalised, sanitised, hidden from view, until we have to confront it, when we experience a bereavement or become aware of our own mortality. Fear may mean we do not live our lives as fully. So, whether you are just curious, have things you'd like to talk through, or ask others about, this is the safe space to do it. It's not a counselling session; just a supportive discussion. There is no agenda, intentionally. Each Death Cafe is different. Each is limited to small numbers of between 3-12 so no one feels either self-conscious, or a face in the crowd. Taking about death can give you reassurance in life. We are all 'deathlings' after all. Death is part of life. Death Cafe comes to Cleethorpes in May 2021 as part of Dying Matters Awareness Week on Monday 10th May at 7pm. #DMAW21 #InAGoodPlace Get in touch if you'd like your name adding to the attendees (or waiting list), and I'll send joining details closer to the date, and check you can still come. I'm hoping to set up a face-to-face Death Cafe in the near future too in a nice little local cafe. This one is for members of the public, not for EoL or funeral sector professionals. If you are one of these and wish to collaborate on future projects, get in touch. Separate from this, with a more structured discussion (so beyond the remit for a Death Cafe), I'll also be listing later when/where I'm giving a 'Dead Good Talk' or workshop where you can 'Think Outside the Box'. Watch this space! Click below for details of this Death Cafe: deathcafe.com/deathcafe/13168/ Click here to find out about the Death Cafe movement and principles: deathcafe.com/what/ Click here for information on Dying Matters: www.dyingmatters.org/AwarenessWeek Dx  How lovely!
I'm featured in April's Funeral Director Monthly magazine, published by the NAFD (one of the main trade bodies for funeral directors). Here's the screenshot if you'd like to read it. Dx Breeze Memorial Services held a special week in the run-up to Christmas 2020, with contributions from established celebrants offering a poem, song, or some comforting thoughts. All of the videos can be found on the Facebook page, along with this - a short winter consolation I wrote for the solstice. Dx |
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